One year ago today...

Exactly one year ago today, I found out that I was going to be a mother! Aaron and I wanted to be parents so badly and tried for a little over a year with no results. There were so many tears shed during that year. After many doctor's appointments and LOTS of prayer, I was close to giving up. I know a year doesn't seem that long, but to me it was a lifetime. I have always felt as though I was created to be a mother and was devastated at the thought that it may never happen for me. I don't know what possessed me to buy a pregnancy test at Target that day, but I did. I had no reason to think I was pregnant and didn't have any of the usual symptoms to lead me to believe that I could be. I had used many pregnancy tests during that year only to be crushed by the sight of the little negative sign. I snuck into the bathroom and waited, praying, that this time it would be different. A few seconds later when I had the courage to look, there was a pink plus sign! I was almost positive it was a mistake. Thankfully I bought a package with two tests, so I quickly tried the second one and starred as it turned colors. Another pink plus sign! I immediately started crying and ran into the dining room where I found Aaron and exclaimed "I'm Pregnant!" He had no idea I had even taken the tests and looked at me as if I were crazy. I showed him both of the tests with the plus signs and he embraced me like he never had before. We stood in our dining room, crying, holding one another, and jumping up and down with excitement. From that day on, our lives were changed forever. We spent the next nine months falling in love with the tiny person growing inside of me. My pregnancy was not easy, but I was thankful everyday for the opportunity to experience being pregnant. We had our first ultrasound, and all we saw was a tiny little circle and heard a tiny little heartbeat, but it was magical. Soon we found out it was a sweet little boy and knew right away that he would be named "Gavin Daniel." "Gavin" was the only name we could agree on for a boy and "Daniel" is Aaron's father's name. We would read books to my giant belly before bedtime and tell him how excited we were to finally hold him. I loved decorating his nursery and would sit in there and dream of the day when he would be sleeping his crib. His first kicks were wonderful. It made it so real that he was there. The day he was born, I thought I might lose him. I pray that I never experience that feeling again. His heart stopped beating and all I could do was lay there. What if the baby we longed for was gone before we even held him? It is a very humbling feeling to know that you are not in control. But Gavin was born and he was so beautiful and perfect. The past year has been the most joyous of my life. The day Gavin was born I discovered the love of a mother. I can't explain it, but it is a feeling of complete selflessness. Suddenly your wants and needs don't matter and all you care about is the health and happiness of this tiny miracle. I could go on and on about what this past year has meant, but I want to say that I am truly grateful for God's blessings and I know now more than ever that God IS faithful and that his timing is perfect. Thank you Lord for another year and for trusting me to raise and love Gavin Daniel Kohns!